My Grammy - part one

My grandmother, Peggy Buttrick, was married to my grandfather, Harold, for 3 months shy of 64 years when he passed away a couple years ago.  When I sent her a Facebook message regarding my Marriage Matriarchs project and followed up with an email (yes, she is quite technically savvy for an 80 something!!), she responded with a handwritten letter through the mail.  I was awaiting an email, and received this odd thing via snail mail….a handwritten letter, yet another lost art to go along with marriage!  Here is some of what she shared with me:

I think the secret to staying married is to know that you are not always right, and many times you will have to bend some, and to always respect your spouse – even when you are upset.  Don’t be afraid to say “I love you”.  If you have an argument, try not to go to sleep before you make up.

WOW…there is so much in that one paragraph!!  What does she mean, “you are not always right”??  Of course I am J   I think the nuggets in here for today’s women, are so intense.  As a wife, we need to “bend some at times”.  This doesn’t really work with the “I am woman, hear me roar” mentality that we are passing on to our daughters.  It is true that we are to be treated as equals in society to men, we deserve a vote, etc., BUT we are not to control our men and we are not ALWAYS going to get our way.  And to “respect your spouse, even when upset” is definitely a tough one!!  Mean words are so painful and yet flow so freely when we are upset.  Add to that, all the television shows and movies where men are portrayed as foolish, useless, stupid even.  Can you think of a show (on today) where the father/husband runs the house, is respected, and portrayed as a good man?  I can’t.  I look back to “The Cosby Show”, “Little House on the Prairie”, and “Leave it to Beaver”….but are there any for this generation?  What examples are on television for our daughters? “The Simpsons”, (insert other shows with bad dad/hubby)  Scary!! No wonder marriages aren’t lasting anymore, it isn’t even possible on television, and if you do stay through tough times, you are old fashioned.

I asked my Grammy about dating, how this could affect who we marry and if it lasts.  Here’s her response:

When you are going together, if it is possible, see how he treats his parents and siblings.

Right on!! I would even be more specific here with how he treats his mother!!  This is how he’ll end up treating you as his wife.  No, I don’t have statistics on that, just observation (and since Grammy agrees, then I’m sticking with it!!)

There's more from her letter, but this is where I'll cut it off for this posting......